dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
