I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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