R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
