I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
