I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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