I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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