I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
