I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
