bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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