like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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