You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
