Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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