We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my poor anus
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
