a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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