Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
