My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
