Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we should paint friendship bongs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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