Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
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He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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