Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
