I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
