I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
