He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
