The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
