Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
