you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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