Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
