absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
