Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
