it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
