new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
