My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
