I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
