Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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