god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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