i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
