I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
