Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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