My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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