Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
