wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
