Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
