You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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