pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
