The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
