Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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