A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
