"it" just moved
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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