Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ugly people sure do ruin things
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
