my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
