So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
