people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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