How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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