I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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