oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
