remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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