FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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