i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
