420 ftw
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
