It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
