to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
