Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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