I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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