no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
