Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
