Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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