he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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