The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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