Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
