i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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