No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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